Third Cut and Feedback

Below is the third cut of the short film with the improvement from the last cut.

Feedback (as left on video):

• 00:25 - this shot can be shortened and the voice over should come in much sooner

• Also, the earlier shot of the ppl on the bus, I think you should get rid of it - it does not add to the narrative and it is a bit too rocky

• The montage comes in at the right time. I think it could be broken up at the point that it says "look at them all"... - a couple of shots to show ppl here and now and then cut back into the montage.

• Also, some of the audio associated with the montage could have been included very low down in the mix to add to the tense atmosphere of the narrative.

• 01:16 - this shot needs to come out - the montage should continue to: 01:22 ending on "freedom".

• The second montage also needs to be a bit more broken up / interspersed and it needs to relate more directly to the words if you see what I mean???

• Needs to be more spread over the walking sequence alongside shots of cameras watching - build the intensity - link images to the ministries create a claustrophobic atmosphere.

• 02:41 - the title needs to be a bit smaller and fit more neatly into the letterbox

• Sound effects at the end and the editing still needs to connote a greater sense of violence - you could include a very *subversive* flashed image of Hitler/BigBrother - almost so quick that if you blinked you might miss it. :-)

Overall... you are on the right track... the ending sequence and montage's represent the best work within the film. The overall concept and idea is good and the narrative is clear until that last shot and the cut to black - the audio (sound bridge) needs to be fixed to ensure the end is strong.

I also think that you need a prod company title at the beginning and slightly longer fade in...

Good work, let me know if you want to discuss any of this further. :-)